Quick update.
I KNOW
After the first 10 productive days of NaNoWriMo, I entered the “what the hell was I thinking” phase and I have yet to come out of it.
I swing between moments of great enthusiasm about my story, my characters and the world they live in, and moments of great despair (“OMG THIS STORY SUCKS NO ONE WILL READ IT AND THOSE WHO WILL ARE GOING TO HATE IT AND WAIT DOES THIS THING EVEN PASS THE BECHDEL TEST OMG THIS SCENE DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE I SHOULD NEVER PICK UP PEN AND PAPER AGAIN”. That kind of despair. )
send help
The good thing is that I’ve almost reached 40k words, and I had never gotten so far before. So if I don’t give up now and manage to ignore the voice in my head that keeps shouting “YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO MED SCHOOL”, maybe I’ll actually finish this thing by the end of the month (not that I have a choice, I’m leaving for Rome and then Paris in December, so it’s really now or never). As in, the whole thing, which should be around 70k words according to my predictions (that are based on the Plotting Wall).
A true first draft. I just have to keep going and refuse to stop, to get caught in this swamp of doubt and sadness and insecurity.
childhood trauma #1
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and maybe I’ll get to it, and when I do I’ll have enough material to work on. I’ll fix all the pieces and edit again and again and again until I can assemble this creature and the result won’t suck so bad.
So, yeah, for now I’ll just keep telling myself that the Bechdel test, the plotholes, the two dimentional characters and the missing scenes can wait.
Write first, freak out later.
I hope your NaNo is going well!
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Castle: We have to do this like writers.
Beckett: You mean, procrastinate and make stuff up?
Castle: Noooo. Well, yes, but no.
The Compass Locket 
Brava, Charlie! Almost at 40K? Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. You deserve it! I think the point of NaNo is to squash and destroy that inner editor, and let yourself just write (plot holes and all). You’ll go back and manage that in the rewrites. As for now, enjoy that burst of creativity, and stop doubting yourself. We writers have plenty of time for that, but during NaNo month it isn’t helpful. Bravissima!!!
PS – Funny reading castle and Beckett in English. I’ve only ever seen them in Italian. : )
"Mi piace""Mi piace"
Haha really?? I’ve never seen Castle in Italian! I can’t wait that long for an episode, I watch them as they air in the US!
Yes, you’re absolutely right, NaNo is not the time to be a perfectionist! As someone said, “writing a first draft is like putting sand in a sandbox before you begin building a sand castle.” I can’t edit a black page, so I’ll do my best to keep it together until this month (and this draft) is over.Thank you for your encouragement, it really means a lot to me! 🙂
"Mi piace""Mi piace"