More conflict, more desperation, more anger, more emotion, more love, more arguments, more tears, more violence, more dept, more intimacy, more losses, more lies, more kisses, more fear, more tough choices.
My MC goes from A to B, from B to C, from C to D and so on, overcoming many obstacles, but I know she’s not really in danger and everything is going to be alright in the end. I can feel it and I think readers will feel it too, and this is not ok. I need MORE than that. I need to fear for her and for the other characters. I need to bring them all to their knees and make them bleed (metaphorically speaking. I don’t like graphic violence, I think emotional suffering is so much worse and so much more effective).
I’ve been very nervous the past week because I couldn’t seem to get some things right. Is my idea just not good enough? My writing? My MC? The other characters? No, honestly, I don’t think so. The problem is that, as expected, I’m shielding myself. I don’t want to talk about some things, so I don’t. I have a good story, a good plot (I think, I hope), but I’m refusing to go deeper and dig up the real stuff. What I lack and what I need right now is more emotional intensity , because no matter how good your plot is, people connect with characters, not with mere events, with plots. They get involved in people’s hearts, not only in their actions. And I’m having trouble being honest. Showing real things, real emotions, real people. I’m so used to making jokes 24/7 that I forgot how to be serious and sincere and exposed. I forgot how to talk about real feelings.
I think this book is going to take A LOT more time and effort than I thought, if I want it to be as good as it should and could be. Nobody said writing was easy.
All you have is your fire,
And the place you need to reach
Don’t you ever tame your demons,
But always keep them on a leash.
I’m going to my first Writers’ Conference, Women’s Fiction Festival, in Matera, next week. I think it’ll be an amazing experience, an opportunity to learn and maybe to even clear my mind a bit, and most of all, to fucking grow a pair and start writing the way I’m supposed to.